When the Warrior is Battle Weary

We've all, at one point or another, in our lives called ourselves warriors, or have had someone refer to us as warrior. 

As flattering as it may seem to some, being a warrior is HARD. 

I've always seen myself as a strong individual. I mean was out there breaking gender stereotypes before it was cool to do so!

 However, since becoming a Christ-follower I've learned that being a warrior of God is a whole other battleground. One that will wreck you and make you look at the harshest realities of your life and help you to bring out the best in yourself, while recognizing the worst and being healed from it. 

The problem with being a warrior though, is that you're a target. In battle the strongest, and smartest warriors were taken down first. Why? Because they helped to lead the others to greatness.

God has created in all of us a fierce warrior. One who can lead multitudes to greatness. One who can rise above and become all that He has called us to be and more. 

But sometimes. 

We get weary.

That's where I am at now. I had such a zeal and zest for the Lord for such a long time. And now I feel myself waning.

 I was down, and I was comfortable being down. The enemy does not come after a downed warrior who is too weak to pick themselves up. And so I was safe. I was complacent. 

But now, I feel my Lord calling to me. Blowing His horn of salvation once more into my life. I am struggling to stand. I am shaking under the weight of my armor. 

The enemy has noticed my attempts to rally myself and is now attacking with more ferociousness and hate than ever before.

I am weary.

I am physically and mentally exhausted. 

There are days when it's all I can do to get through the day without breaking down.

But I know that my God ultimately wins this war. 

He will sustain me. 

Last night, as I cried out to Him, I felt Him become the proverbial rock on which I can lean. He sent me help in the form of a warrior brother in Christ whose only question was, "How can I help?"  

I can now straighten my armor, I can sharpen my sword of His truth and get up and try again. 

You see, this is what separates the warriors from others.

 We get back up. 

We lean on our General (God) and on our brother and sister warriors who are there to help us. 

I am now in training. Training to bring myself back up to where I was. Training to not let the enemy overwhelm me, and training to learn how to use the weapons I was equipped with wisely. 

Brothers and sisters, at points in our lives we are all battle weary warriors. We feel suppressed under the weight of the world and the lies and tricks of the enemy. 

Take heart! For we are not in this alone. 

We have been called for a purpose. 

".....but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

He will not leave or forsake us in the valley, but rather walk with us in those times and wait for us to look to Him for our sustenance and strength. 

We also need to also look at our fellow soldiers and pray for them. We don't know what they are walking through, or what is weighing down on their armor. 

We need to let them know we love them and that we are hear to help share the burden and to help pray a hedge of protection around them and point them towards our Mighty General, so that they might be renewed also.

The Undisciplined Me....

Why hello there all! 

I must say that I have heavily neglected this blog for far too long. 

Isn't that just like me though. It takes discipline to stay on top of things such as reading my bible, keeping a good schedule, cleaning reliably, planning and sticking to outings. 

I find that I am lacking discipline all too much in my life. 

With, now, two children I'm finding myself needing to be more organized, disciplined and intentional in all that I do. 

I so don't want to be. 

I love being a spur of the moment kind of gal. The, "Hey, lets pack up and go do something!" kind of person. 

But I'm finding more and more that my current season of life is not conducive to that type of lifestyle. I need to plan things out carefully and live each day purposefully and intentionally. 

I read something recently while completing some reading for the bible/book study we are currently doing at church. The quote said, "When you kill time, remember that it has no resurrection" - A.W. Tozer

How true is that?!?!?

We constantly fill our lives up with meaningless fluff and our time dies. It can't come back. We can't get that coffee date back, or that play time with the kids. 

So how do we battle this enemy of time? 

By becoming disciplined.

We so often see discipline as a dirty word, one that has a negative connotation. However, it truly is not. It can be but the root of the word discipline means training that produces obedience or self control. We need to discipline our minds when it comes to the things we do, the movies we watch, the music we listen to and even the books we read. 

We are born sinners who are truly undisciplined but I believe that with some help from the big guy upstairs and a willing heart we can change ourselves to become disciplined. 

I plan on starting a checklist of things I need to get done throughout the day and see exactly where I could free up some time that I've been wasting to pursue things that really mean something. I mean, do I really need to spend that 10 min looking on my phone, browsing social media? Absolutely not. 

Hopefully I can hold myself accountable to this task, if not I'll ask others to help, having accountability partners is so important and helpful!

So with that, I'm signing off to look for new lessons for the coming week for my students.

Be Blessed!   

Waiting on Dreams

Have you ever felt like your life is in limbo?

Like something AMAZING is waiting just around the corner and you just can't wait for it to start! 

I have that feeling. 

It's a restless stirring in my heart to do more and be more for the kingdom of God. 

I want to inspire, I want to move, I want to rise up and help others to become all who God is calling them to  be!

Sometimes there's a problem with timing. I want those things for my life NOW while everything God is telling me is pointing to; not yet, one step at a time, you're not ready.

I asked God the other night before bed to give me direction, to tell me what I'm supposed to be doing. 

He answered alright. 

That night I dreamed I was in labor with a new little one though my now little one hadn't aged he was still only 9 months old. I never really "went into labor" but after a traumatic repeat c-section I was put into recovery and not allowed to see my baby or nurse it. No one else wondered at it, and then they sent me home empty handed. 

I wasn't sad in the dream just horribly confused, was this not my child that I had birthed? Why was I not allowed to nourish them like my heart longed to? 

Upon waking I was like, "What the heck Lord?!?!"

As I meditated on the dream it became clear that I was not able to bond, nurture or raise this "infant" because I hadn't gone through the pregnancy process or labor. 

I realized that God was telling me that my dreams and desires would be like this babe if I wasn't patient, I am willing but the timing isn't right yet. 

I feel like He was saying the hard work is pregnancy and labor not just the birthing and after if I give birth to these dreams before the time comes it will be a traumatic "birth" for it, it will taken from me and I won't be able to nurture it the way it needs to be. 

He's encouraging me to pray more, and I'll see doors open for me to begin doing what I need to. That opportunities will arise as I meditate on His word.

Also I feel like He's asking me if I want these things for the right reasons. Is it to benefit me? Or Him? 

Of course I want to answer, "It's ALL for You God!" 

But is it really? 

I want what I do to be blessed by Him but before that can happen I need to make sure I do things for the right reasons. 

So until then, I'll wait. I'll pray. I'll read scripture. I'll meditate on Him.

I'm reminded of Isaiah 40:31, which is God's promises to those who wait....

Until He opens those doors and sees me ripe for the harvest I'll wait.

I hope this encourages you to wait upon His promises for you, that you would not be discouraged when God says, "Not yet.". 

When you're ready you will be a force to be reckoned with. 

~Be Blessed~

Amber

Stronger with Every Step

For those of you who are up to date with my love-hate relationship with running.

I'm back at it after a ridiculously long lay off from a knee injury.

I want to jump right in and overdo it again but I know that slow and steady is the way I'll get back to top form and be at my high mileage again. 

So far I have been adding half a mile a week. With that being said I was ecstatic when I hit 2 whole miles on Saturday! I feel that once I hit 3 miles I can begin to keep up and run with some of my favorite gals ever! 

It's so hard not to be bitter about how far I used to run versus how far I run now...2 miles seems measly now but I have to remember that......

And that I need to also......

I love how so many times we want to rush things instead of waiting on God's timing and we end up messing it up somehow. Much like my injury, if I don't keep running and doing a steady mileage increase I'll end up hurt again and back to square one or even permanently not able to run, the same thing goes for opportunities that God wants to give us. Things need to be in His time or we could end up permanently messing up an opportunity.

I feel myself getting stronger through ever step and every half mile I increase. Im doing half mile intervals because by the end of the half mile my knee is very warm and starts to get sore. I know that means that I need to slow down a bit, and if we listen to God He gives us that self same warning to slow down, take things easy and allow Him to strengthen us for the works ahead.  

So be strengthened, be strong and remember that it's worth it to be slow and steady and to do things right and to wait on God and His perfect timing.

I'm finding out that He's never, ever wrong or going to let me down and He will strengthen me for what's up ahead if I keep focused on Him and let go. Through my training I'm also learning to keep persevering because I'm stronger with every step.

My Feminist Side

My sweet husband has pointed this out to me numerous times over the years and I have finally admitted it to myself.

I'm can be sort of a feminist at times.

There. I said it.

Not that I'm anti-male or think of the male  population of our species as not needed and they need to go. I love my husband a little too much to believe in that nonsense!

Nor do I think that if all women should be treated the same. Face it ladies in the feminist movement--we aren't going to be treated the same as everyone else, nor should we.

I'll probably get some flack for that but it's true. I don't, wait can't, teach each child in my classroom the same; whether male or female they are each individual people who have different needs.

However, I must say that growing up I was always given the sense of self that I didn't have to rely on a man for anything or everything in my life. A relationship with a boy did not define me, thank goodness, and I always felt that I could do anything the boys did, many times even better.

It must have something to do with being the first granddaughter born to my paternal grandparents after 12 or so grandsons. I mean, I kinda had some odds stacked against me to becoming a girly girl. For all of the hard times my cousins gave me they also instilled confidence in me and they didn't even know it. I knew I didn't have to depend on my cousins to bail me out of something because they taught me enough to get my own self out of it.

During my younger years my best friend was also a guy, we would ride our bikes to each others houses (only about half a mile or so away from each other) and play football and soccer, good times for sure, so I never really had an interest in makeup or dolls (unless they could ride a toy horse) or any of the other stuff that girls my age were supposed to be interested in.

It bored me.

Give me a toy tractor and the mud and I was good to go! I still have a love of mud that, at times, scares me as an adult.

Which brings me to a point (and all this time you thought I was just rambling!). I can be so strong willed at times that living up to my vows to honor and obey my husband can be downright hard!

It's totally not programed in my brain or genetic makeup to be calm and submissive towards a man.

I know some women don't have a problem with this while others do. I've found that it not only pertains to my relationship with my husband but with that of my Father God also.

I struggle with it so much!! I tend to think of my husband as weak in certain areas and so I then have a superiority complex about it. Not. Good.

My prayer lately is that God humble me and help me to see my husbands strengths and not to feel superior or think of him as weak in certain situations. I ask that He show me my setbacks and weaknesses, even though I would rather not remember them, in order to show me that I too am not perfect.

I've found that this way of thinking not only hurts my relationship with my sweet husband but also with God.

If I can't submit to and respect my husband majority of the time (let's face it we'll have fall outs) what makes me think I do so with God, someone who I see by faith and not by sight?

This has been a real issue in my heart. Especially since I'm a control freak. I want to have every portion of my day planned out and my husband and God just don't work that way!

I need to start trusting them and submitting to the things they know better about and not blindly take charge of things like I want to do regarldess of the consquence.

My husband only does what's best for me and God is in control of my life.

How awesome are they?

Being Who You Are

I had a student, who recently transferred into my class from California, tell me something recently that I'm all too familiar with.

"I didn't expect you to be a woman!"

As an agriculture teacher I am one of the few, but growing number of women agricultural educators in the state.

You see, traditionally the role of an agriculture teacher was reserved for men. This made sense to a lot of people as we are referred to commonly as "shop teachers" as agriculture not only encompasses the animal, plant, soil and food sciences but also carpentry and welding.

Carpentry and welding are not something that traditional female teachers taught or were wanting to teach, especially with the demanding schedule an agriculture teacher faces with being on the road a lot. You can imagine it's hard to raise a family with only a limited amount of time during the summer where we are not traveling.

Being a woman in this position I am often told that I should find a new profession, especially when children come into my life, or that a woman "shouldn't do a man's work". Statements like these kinda make you doubt the things and the work you are doing at times.

This past weekend though, during our churches annual Joie de Vivre conference, the amazing Holly Wagner stressed the importance of being who you are, and using the gifts that God has equipped you with.

Does knowing who you are and knowing your gifts completely devoid you of fear of what others say or think, or does it delete the fear of knowing that there will be many obstacles coming your way?

Of course not. 

The Bible states that there WILL be trials in our lives and that we will suffer at times, but really those moments pale in comparison to the courage our God offers to us if we worship and accept it from Him.

My problem has always been trying to toe the line between what I think people want me to be like and what I think I should be like.

I was constantly comparing myself to all of these standards that were not placed on me by my God, but by the society in which we live; the worldly opinion of the type of wife, the type of teacher and the type of woman I should be.

My amazing friend and one of the women I consider to be a big role model in how I want to live for and please God, Daphne Gaspard, preached at our women's conference on not comparing yourself to other's standards but God's.

I hadn't realized until this weekend how much I do that! Especially as an agriculture teacher. I am constantly trying to prove myself to the men in my field that I AM good enough, that I can weld, and use the cutting torch and build picnic tables with the rest of them even though they probably don't care.

I also compare myself to those of my friends who are married, have jobs and still somehow manage to keep an amazingly clean house, have delicious dinners on the table nearly every night, knit and take amazing photographs....I always wondered why I couldn't match up to that.

But the best thing is....I don't have to compare to them.

Our God, our Father, our Savior sees us as INCOMPARABLE to anyone and everyone else around us. He made each of us uniquely and gave us gifts that would benefit us alone for the assignments He has planned for us, that only we can fulfill.  

He loves each of us individually. I suppose it's like having children. If you have multiple you shouldn't love any of them less than the others but in a different way than the others because they are each individual people with their own giftings and quirks.

That's how God feels about us quirky individuals! He sees us as His sons and daughters and we are each precious to Him in our own way. He has something special planned for each and everyone of us and we have to accept the fact that we are each made differently for a different purpose.

Quick thought. The Bible states that we are made in the image of God. How amazingly diverse our Savior must be! That alone is something to worship Him for and to wonder at :)

Good Friday

I love this time of year, when the weather agrees, I get to spend an entire week off from work to relax and pretend to catch up on house work (when really it's nearly 11:00 a.m. and I am still in my p.j.'s)!

But seriously today is Good Friday and the more I reflect upon it I had the thought,

"Why on earth is it GOOD? Our Lord and Savior was put to death this day." 

I understand WHY it's called Good Friday, I mean....without it Jesus would not have fulfilled the prophecies and died on the cross to be risen and start a new covenant of Grace with us.

However it's the "died on the cross" part that's making it a not so Good Friday for me. 

Ever since I've become a Christian my heart breaks that the sins I've committed and continue to commit (let's face it we're all still sinners) we're the reason that Jesus' had to go through one of the, if not THE, most gruesome deaths so that I would not have to pay the price and that one day I could have eternal life. 

It seems so unfair, the price He paid for me.

 He who knew no sin, became sin so that WE could become righteous with God. 2 Corinthians 5:21

Seriously? I feel so unworthy of that phrase, I mean obviously I can try to live up to it but when compared to what Christ did.....nothing I do will ever be enough. And the crazy part is, is that He's ok with it.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are                                                                              healed.                                                               Isaiah 53:5

Why would He do such a thing for us? For ME? He was beaten by soldiers with a weapon called a flagrum which I have read is similar to the British cat o' nine tails. 

This hits me hard.

1. Have you SEEN a soldiers arms? They're HUGE from working out and lifting heavy equipment and their weapon that probably weighed more than me! With a normal whip it would have been torture enough. 

2. The flagrum. Just thinking about this gives me chills and makes me want to weep with anger and pain for our Lord. When researching the Flagellumm or Flagrum I found this description.

"the flagellum was not designed merely to bruise or leave welts on the victim. The flagellum was a whip with several (at least three) thongs or strands, each perhaps as much as three feet long, and the strands were weighted with lead balls or pieces of bone. This instrument was designed to lacerate. The weighed thongs struck the skin so violently that it broke open." (McAllister, 2000).

Upon further reading about it, it's stated that at times the flagrum would tear the skin open so much that main arteries were exposed. I cannot even imagine such pain!

Then He had to carry His own cross, a death sentence, and wear a crown of thorns that bit into His skin every single second causing pain and blood to run down His face.

This is what I think about when I think of Good Friday, not the crawfish boils, the seafood or the superstitions  of the day (seriously guys...not digging or planting today?), but rather that there was a price paid for my redemption, for our redemption and it was a high price indeed. 

But we can take heart in the fact that because of His selfless act, Death was beaten and no longer has a hold over our lives, that we can be forgiven of our sins, get right with God and live to serve Him. 

So today, as your feasting take a moment to remember just why and who we are in debt to for this day. 

He's Always by my Side....

On my way to work this morning I heard this song.......

The lyrics deliver a simple message, who shall we fear? Why do we fear when the God who commands armies of heavenly angels is on our side?

"no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD."

Isaiah 54:17 (NIV)

I'm pretty sure the promise made to us in Isaiah isn't just something to appease us, but rather something that we can hold onto. Our God is a promise keeping God and we shouldn't take His promises lightly but believe them to be true. For if we have the faith as small as mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Luke 17:6 (NIV)

I've found that reading and holding true to the promises of God is what gives me strength to face new challenges and ultimately faith when dealng with situations.

For instance, the last month or so I have been a medical mess! I have been dealing with hearing loss in my left ear and battling an infection. However, in spite of these things I know that I will be healed because God is the great physician and healer and He promises that I will be healed. One of the main roles of Jesus when He walked on earth was as a healer and I believe that He has a passion for it. Already I have been feeling MULTITUDES better and am healing nicely from the infection, nonbelievers would say this is due to man made antibiotics and doctors...but who created those two entities?

From where I'm standing penecillin and other antibiotics are a Godsend and definitely a product of intelligent design. Anywho.....I digress....

The point is we always have a God who loves us, who wants the best for us and who wants to protect us at our sides constantly. He's always there and knows every situation we are dealing with. AND He commands an army of heavenly beings who are a force to be reckoned with.

I'd say I feel pretty confident in my battle against the enemy...though he throws things at me left and right....the God of angel armies is always by my side.

~Amber

So very.....very THANKFUL!

One of my favorite charity's to sponsor, Sevenly, posted this yesterday in honor of Thanksgiving and I thought it was oh so appropriate!

I mean seriously, no matter what you are going through in life or what circumstances are forced upon you there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for.

 Just think for a minute about the fact that you woke up this morning, you were able to inhale and feel your lungs expanding with life giving oxygen. You were probably able to smell that wonderful fall candle or those amazing pumpkin and pecan pies yesterday.

 (or this morning's dubious morning breath, YIKES!) 

You can see the leaves changing colors, or in South Louisiana the lack thereof. 

Feeling your loved one's hugs and hearing their voices melding together in a sea of happy choruses upon greeting each other. 

Sigh....makes me happy and thankful just THINKING about it! 

I challenge each and every one of you that on a day when you feel like there is nothing going right, list at least 5 or 10 things that you are truly thankful for and I definitely, definitely think that you will have a different perspective after reflecting on it. 

So here are my top 5 things I am so very thankful for this season in my life. 

5. A place to call HOME. Thank You Lord for blessing me with a house, land and barns! Everything about this place is undoubtedly provided by You!

4. My animals Lilly, Jasper and Riley!! My furry friends aka Fur-kids give me such joy and comfort! Again Lord I thank You for the bounty of trusting me in giving care to your wonderful creations!

3. My friends. WOW! Lord You have blessed me in this area SO VERY MUCH!! By bringing these people into my life You have added a richness and a blessing that can never be replaced and I will cherish them forever!

2. My FAMILY! Lord again...though we cannot pick our families it is apparent that You knew exactly what you were doing by having me born to such amazing parents and able to do life with such amazing siblings. From my aunt's and uncle's and their undying support of me to my cousins who forever make me laugh like no one else THANK YOU! Thank you also for the gift of a husband, who when I met him my soul recognized, it's as if my soul said, "There you are!" and yet I had no idea of the journey you would bring us on Lord, on that included YOU as the center though at the time we had no idea!

1. This is the most important thing that I am so very thankful for! Lord, THANK YOU for the gift of SALVATION through Your Son JESUS CHRIST! John 3:16 sums it up, You gave Your one and ONLY Son for US! My mind is blown at the mere thought of what that was like. Lord though I don't deserve it, Thank You for saving me and bringing me to a place where I call You King of kings and Lord of lords in my life. 

God calls us to give thanks all the time and not just for a day or a season. I hope that this inspires you when, even in hours of discouragement, you can find something to be thankful for.

~Amber