The Hard Seasons....

There are moments in life when you look around and think to yourself, "Who have I become?". One minute you recognize that face in the mirror, the one who has it all together and grabs life by the horns and the next you don't even recognize the person staring back at you. 

Motherhood and life has changed me like that. 

I love my children with all of my heart and do not regret one moment of having them, bringing them into this life, or loving them. They are mine and I am theirs. 

But here I am, sitting here, wondering where in the world that woman who had it all together is. 

I know that mainly my troubles stem from neglecting my relationship with God. From there it's been a domino effect where everything else in my life, besides my children's well being, has been neglected. 

I'm not getting my lesson plans in or grades done on time and am arriving to work on time but not as I should and I definitely don't feel like I have been putting in the time and dedication that I should. 

While are bills are paid fully and timely, I feel like I haven't been doing what I should. I used to be better at budgeting and making sure to tithe my 10% to the church. I haven't tithed in a while and it shows in my finances. 

We no longer have our rabbits at home because I was not spending the time that I should giving them care. Thankfully our dog is an inside animal and can't be ignored. He is doing wonderfully and getting taken care of though I dearly wish we had the space in a vehicle to take him AND the kids to the dog park together. 

Relationships with friends are drifting. Our marriage relationship could be stronger as well.

I feel so overwhelmed at times. 

We can't even get it together to make it to church every Sunday like we used to. 

I know for a fact this is a literal attack of the enemy to keep us down. He doesn't want us to meet with other Christians, he wants to keep us in a pit of despair and loneliness.

He wants us to feel the pinch of finances, and to barely make ends meet. 

He wants me to fail at things I used to be so passionate for. 

But you know what. 

I have the God of angel armies on my side. 

This past weekend, we made it to church. 

The last couple of weeks, Travis has been able to make overtime and earn more money. 

A misstep between our mortgage company and flood insurance company was rectified. 

God is moving and showing Himself to be faithful to me, even in my moments of unfaithfulness to Him.

All I can do is take one day at a time to rectify my relationship with Christ, and what better time to do so than this holiday season.

I need to surround myself with people who will point me to Jesus and scripture. Those who will encourage me in my walk.

I need to be disciplined and read the word of God daily, and hide it in my heart.

I need to prioritize the right things in my life to help me to see the bigger picture and to find success in life.

Will this happen overnight? Of course not!

But I need to learn to allow myself some grace and realize that I can't do it all even though I want to.

But even if I don't allow myself the grace I need to, I am so glad that God gives His grace and mercy freely for those times that I don't feel as if I am enough. 

My Feminist Side

My sweet husband has pointed this out to me numerous times over the years and I have finally admitted it to myself.

I'm can be sort of a feminist at times.

There. I said it.

Not that I'm anti-male or think of the male  population of our species as not needed and they need to go. I love my husband a little too much to believe in that nonsense!

Nor do I think that if all women should be treated the same. Face it ladies in the feminist movement--we aren't going to be treated the same as everyone else, nor should we.

I'll probably get some flack for that but it's true. I don't, wait can't, teach each child in my classroom the same; whether male or female they are each individual people who have different needs.

However, I must say that growing up I was always given the sense of self that I didn't have to rely on a man for anything or everything in my life. A relationship with a boy did not define me, thank goodness, and I always felt that I could do anything the boys did, many times even better.

It must have something to do with being the first granddaughter born to my paternal grandparents after 12 or so grandsons. I mean, I kinda had some odds stacked against me to becoming a girly girl. For all of the hard times my cousins gave me they also instilled confidence in me and they didn't even know it. I knew I didn't have to depend on my cousins to bail me out of something because they taught me enough to get my own self out of it.

During my younger years my best friend was also a guy, we would ride our bikes to each others houses (only about half a mile or so away from each other) and play football and soccer, good times for sure, so I never really had an interest in makeup or dolls (unless they could ride a toy horse) or any of the other stuff that girls my age were supposed to be interested in.

It bored me.

Give me a toy tractor and the mud and I was good to go! I still have a love of mud that, at times, scares me as an adult.

Which brings me to a point (and all this time you thought I was just rambling!). I can be so strong willed at times that living up to my vows to honor and obey my husband can be downright hard!

It's totally not programed in my brain or genetic makeup to be calm and submissive towards a man.

I know some women don't have a problem with this while others do. I've found that it not only pertains to my relationship with my husband but with that of my Father God also.

I struggle with it so much!! I tend to think of my husband as weak in certain areas and so I then have a superiority complex about it. Not. Good.

My prayer lately is that God humble me and help me to see my husbands strengths and not to feel superior or think of him as weak in certain situations. I ask that He show me my setbacks and weaknesses, even though I would rather not remember them, in order to show me that I too am not perfect.

I've found that this way of thinking not only hurts my relationship with my sweet husband but also with God.

If I can't submit to and respect my husband majority of the time (let's face it we'll have fall outs) what makes me think I do so with God, someone who I see by faith and not by sight?

This has been a real issue in my heart. Especially since I'm a control freak. I want to have every portion of my day planned out and my husband and God just don't work that way!

I need to start trusting them and submitting to the things they know better about and not blindly take charge of things like I want to do regarldess of the consquence.

My husband only does what's best for me and God is in control of my life.

How awesome are they?

Bitter-Sweet Revelations....

We've all had those moments....you know...the ones where you are so ecstatically happy for a person or   a situation only to realize what you would lose or miss out on in the process. 

Well today was one of those moments for me....today one of my bestest friends in the entire world left today for the adventure of a lifetime with her family. You see, my friend since elementary school, Mrs. Lizzy Jaqua, and family are moving roughly 4,430 miles to the town of Kenai, ALASKA! 

Which is here........

It is a peninsula city of Alaska about 2.5 hours south of Anchorage. 

And just WHY you might ask, are they moving so far when Liz, a purebred Cajun, is used to a culture where families move onto family owned property behind mom and pop's house to such a remote location? Well simply put her husband Mike landed a pretty awesome job out there with his company, he fell in love with the area and they were excited when he was offered the position. After much prayer and consideration they decided to move.....

(and with a view like this who wouldn't!)

I am so very excited for their two children, 2 1/2 year old Olivia "Livy" and 9 month old baby Michael (aka my littlest godchild!), who will be able to grow up in and experience such a magical place that most people only dream of visiting (me included!) 

I told Livy to have fun on their adventure! 

Annnnd.....that's where the sweet part ends. 

The bitter part was watching that truck pull away from the house this evening and feeling bitter that one of my best friends and closest confidants was not going to be just literally 5 minutes down the road...and that now I have to take time zones into consideration when calling and texting, not only that but I will no longer be able to get my at least once or twice a week visit! 

Since we have reconnected after a couple of years where after high school we had parted ways it's rare that Liz and I go three or four days without at least texting each other once...and while I know that doesn't have to change...I still feel a little selfish and want her and her family here and all to myself. 

As I'm sitting here in my drowning in my own self pity God is speaking to me. He's reminding me that my friends and I are world changers...and how are we supposed to change it if we do not go out into the world? 

I know He has wonderful plans for this amazing family who is dedicated to serving Him first and foremost and I have to trust Him as they did and let it be HIS will to be done and not let my emotions and selfishness get in the way of all that He has in store for them. 

So please join me in praying traveling mercies over this amazing family and that once they reach Alaska that God will use them in a mighty way! 

Relationship Revelations

So.....I had a revelation this morning on my way to work. As I am on my way to work wayy too early for any normal person (I'm usually at my desk by 7 am) I have a lot of time to think on the 30 min drive, because let's face it...no one else is up at that time....or at least not functioning fully.

Anywho....I digress, I was thinking about what I wanted to write about first (epic decision I must say!) and I started thinking about all of the amazing relationships I've formed since becoming a Christ-follower. 

Not saying that I didn't have what I thought were great friendships before, but they mainly consisted of people who were at the bars Thursday through Saturday and then at church Sunday evening, not what I would call roll models for a Christian life....and I was right along side enjoying that lifestyle. 

But now...God has placed some wonderful, AMAZING people in my life who speak words of wisdom, kindness and encourage me to look to Christ for my answers in life. And whereas majority of my friends from my past life were male, now I have learned how much female friendship is so important. I never before was able to relate to feminine conversation or anything else feminine for that matter.

When I found an amazing home church I was opened up to an amazing group of people who have influenced my life in such a positive way! Take this lady for example........we went to elementary, middle school and high school together and were great friends...but sadly during high school she transferred and we lost touch for almost 6 years! God blew my mind and brought us back together at church and we've been the best of friends since! She's my go-to gal in a pinch and the most wonderful mother of the cutest babies ever! Sad that we don't have any pictures together since high school!! This situation will be remedied ASAP! But for now this is my beautiful friend and her too cute daughter :)

I mentioned the other day that I run...well that's where this group of amazing and encouraging ladies comes in!! I have never had such amazing annoited women in my life who by their walk of faith has lead me closer to the Lord. They and their families are truley an inspiration and Travis and I, we look up to them immensely! The help me to be stronger God fearing woman and, whether they know it or not, they help to guide me in making decisions for my future. I love these ladies!

The next few Christ-centered ladies in my life are these three wonderful gals! Fellow teachers who share a love of the Lord and the stress of being a public school educator in today's crazy world. Look how sweet they are :) they mean the world to me and help keep me sane!

Sadly I know that there is a picture of us floating around somewhere...I just can't find it, ha!

So after being sappy and spilling the beans on some of my favorite people (these are definitely not ALL of them, that would be too much to put in!), the Revelation that comes from this is to surround yourself with people who lift you up and speak life into your life. Those who are negative and bring you down with words or thoughts are just not worth your time and can become like a plague infecting your life. I've seen how much my life has changed and how much of a new person I am in Christ and new friendships who support that decision are key.

God warns us in Proverbs 13:20 how important our friendships are when He says, "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harms." (NIV)