When the Warrior is Battle Weary

We've all, at one point or another, in our lives called ourselves warriors, or have had someone refer to us as warrior. 

As flattering as it may seem to some, being a warrior is HARD. 

I've always seen myself as a strong individual. I mean was out there breaking gender stereotypes before it was cool to do so!

 However, since becoming a Christ-follower I've learned that being a warrior of God is a whole other battleground. One that will wreck you and make you look at the harshest realities of your life and help you to bring out the best in yourself, while recognizing the worst and being healed from it. 

The problem with being a warrior though, is that you're a target. In battle the strongest, and smartest warriors were taken down first. Why? Because they helped to lead the others to greatness.

God has created in all of us a fierce warrior. One who can lead multitudes to greatness. One who can rise above and become all that He has called us to be and more. 

But sometimes. 

We get weary.

That's where I am at now. I had such a zeal and zest for the Lord for such a long time. And now I feel myself waning.

 I was down, and I was comfortable being down. The enemy does not come after a downed warrior who is too weak to pick themselves up. And so I was safe. I was complacent. 

But now, I feel my Lord calling to me. Blowing His horn of salvation once more into my life. I am struggling to stand. I am shaking under the weight of my armor. 

The enemy has noticed my attempts to rally myself and is now attacking with more ferociousness and hate than ever before.

I am weary.

I am physically and mentally exhausted. 

There are days when it's all I can do to get through the day without breaking down.

But I know that my God ultimately wins this war. 

He will sustain me. 

Last night, as I cried out to Him, I felt Him become the proverbial rock on which I can lean. He sent me help in the form of a warrior brother in Christ whose only question was, "How can I help?"  

I can now straighten my armor, I can sharpen my sword of His truth and get up and try again. 

You see, this is what separates the warriors from others.

 We get back up. 

We lean on our General (God) and on our brother and sister warriors who are there to help us. 

I am now in training. Training to bring myself back up to where I was. Training to not let the enemy overwhelm me, and training to learn how to use the weapons I was equipped with wisely. 

Brothers and sisters, at points in our lives we are all battle weary warriors. We feel suppressed under the weight of the world and the lies and tricks of the enemy. 

Take heart! For we are not in this alone. 

We have been called for a purpose. 

".....but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

He will not leave or forsake us in the valley, but rather walk with us in those times and wait for us to look to Him for our sustenance and strength. 

We also need to also look at our fellow soldiers and pray for them. We don't know what they are walking through, or what is weighing down on their armor. 

We need to let them know we love them and that we are hear to help share the burden and to help pray a hedge of protection around them and point them towards our Mighty General, so that they might be renewed also.

The Hard Seasons....

There are moments in life when you look around and think to yourself, "Who have I become?". One minute you recognize that face in the mirror, the one who has it all together and grabs life by the horns and the next you don't even recognize the person staring back at you. 

Motherhood and life has changed me like that. 

I love my children with all of my heart and do not regret one moment of having them, bringing them into this life, or loving them. They are mine and I am theirs. 

But here I am, sitting here, wondering where in the world that woman who had it all together is. 

I know that mainly my troubles stem from neglecting my relationship with God. From there it's been a domino effect where everything else in my life, besides my children's well being, has been neglected. 

I'm not getting my lesson plans in or grades done on time and am arriving to work on time but not as I should and I definitely don't feel like I have been putting in the time and dedication that I should. 

While are bills are paid fully and timely, I feel like I haven't been doing what I should. I used to be better at budgeting and making sure to tithe my 10% to the church. I haven't tithed in a while and it shows in my finances. 

We no longer have our rabbits at home because I was not spending the time that I should giving them care. Thankfully our dog is an inside animal and can't be ignored. He is doing wonderfully and getting taken care of though I dearly wish we had the space in a vehicle to take him AND the kids to the dog park together. 

Relationships with friends are drifting. Our marriage relationship could be stronger as well.

I feel so overwhelmed at times. 

We can't even get it together to make it to church every Sunday like we used to. 

I know for a fact this is a literal attack of the enemy to keep us down. He doesn't want us to meet with other Christians, he wants to keep us in a pit of despair and loneliness.

He wants us to feel the pinch of finances, and to barely make ends meet. 

He wants me to fail at things I used to be so passionate for. 

But you know what. 

I have the God of angel armies on my side. 

This past weekend, we made it to church. 

The last couple of weeks, Travis has been able to make overtime and earn more money. 

A misstep between our mortgage company and flood insurance company was rectified. 

God is moving and showing Himself to be faithful to me, even in my moments of unfaithfulness to Him.

All I can do is take one day at a time to rectify my relationship with Christ, and what better time to do so than this holiday season.

I need to surround myself with people who will point me to Jesus and scripture. Those who will encourage me in my walk.

I need to be disciplined and read the word of God daily, and hide it in my heart.

I need to prioritize the right things in my life to help me to see the bigger picture and to find success in life.

Will this happen overnight? Of course not!

But I need to learn to allow myself some grace and realize that I can't do it all even though I want to.

But even if I don't allow myself the grace I need to, I am so glad that God gives His grace and mercy freely for those times that I don't feel as if I am enough. 

The Undisciplined Me....

Why hello there all! 

I must say that I have heavily neglected this blog for far too long. 

Isn't that just like me though. It takes discipline to stay on top of things such as reading my bible, keeping a good schedule, cleaning reliably, planning and sticking to outings. 

I find that I am lacking discipline all too much in my life. 

With, now, two children I'm finding myself needing to be more organized, disciplined and intentional in all that I do. 

I so don't want to be. 

I love being a spur of the moment kind of gal. The, "Hey, lets pack up and go do something!" kind of person. 

But I'm finding more and more that my current season of life is not conducive to that type of lifestyle. I need to plan things out carefully and live each day purposefully and intentionally. 

I read something recently while completing some reading for the bible/book study we are currently doing at church. The quote said, "When you kill time, remember that it has no resurrection" - A.W. Tozer

How true is that?!?!?

We constantly fill our lives up with meaningless fluff and our time dies. It can't come back. We can't get that coffee date back, or that play time with the kids. 

So how do we battle this enemy of time? 

By becoming disciplined.

We so often see discipline as a dirty word, one that has a negative connotation. However, it truly is not. It can be but the root of the word discipline means training that produces obedience or self control. We need to discipline our minds when it comes to the things we do, the movies we watch, the music we listen to and even the books we read. 

We are born sinners who are truly undisciplined but I believe that with some help from the big guy upstairs and a willing heart we can change ourselves to become disciplined. 

I plan on starting a checklist of things I need to get done throughout the day and see exactly where I could free up some time that I've been wasting to pursue things that really mean something. I mean, do I really need to spend that 10 min looking on my phone, browsing social media? Absolutely not. 

Hopefully I can hold myself accountable to this task, if not I'll ask others to help, having accountability partners is so important and helpful!

So with that, I'm signing off to look for new lessons for the coming week for my students.

Be Blessed!