The Ongoing Battle

I feel like this is the story of my life since we've gotten married. 

 

Is it horrible that I am just not ready for children at the moment? I don't have a fear of them...I'm quite fond of the little ones to be honest but I feel as if I have way too much going on learning to be a good, godly wife and learning how to run my own home without the incessant neediness of children.

I think pregnant women are drop dead gorgeous! There is just something about them that makes me think of the cutest things in the world, like puppies, koalas and rainbows! 

(ok, a little dramatic with that description but it's how I feel when I see a pregnant lady!)

I feel like though I can handle the cute moments but the others...nope!

Really though, I've only been married a total of 7 months....no babies on the horizon yet and I'm totally ok with it. 

Not saying that anyone who becomes pregnant is silly or anything, I'm just enjoying being selfish and having my husband to myself, not having to call for a sitter or making plans to have the baby watched.

The funny thing is, a year ago I would have said I was ready....and now...I'm glad we decided to wait. Children are a blessing but not one I'm ready for just yet, I have a hard enough time with dinner on a regular basis :)

I think it's funny how our perspectives change. I used to think I was on this time line, like I HAVE to get pregnant after ONE year of marriage! Now I'm totally ok with 3 or 5 or 10 years....ok so maybe not 10 but I certainly won't regret the one on one time with my husband. 

I just feel like so many people, myself included, jump into things without fully thinking about what it means. I know they say you can't ever be fully ready to have a child......... 

(whoever "they" are, "they" sure have a lot of opinions about everything)

........but where I am in my life, my marriage, and my career, I feel as if I would be doing an injustice almost. 

So until I make an official announcement....no I'm not pregnant and am not trying to get pregnant. 

We'll let ya know!

In the meantime......

Louisiana FFA Convention

Last week I had the pleasure as an FFA Advisor to take four students to the 84th Louisiana State FFA Convention held in Alexandria.

State convention is always a great time to catch up with other ag teachers, inspire students and celebrate success as students compete in contests throughout the week.

This year was my 7th convention, I have attended 3 as a student and the last 4 as an Advisor for Church Point FFA.

This years them was GROW and I believe our students did just that!

This year we took four students who are just beginning their journey through agriculture education and the FFA. They have been involved in various aspects of the organization including public speaking, landscape and horitculture judging and forestry judging.

Throughout the four days of convention the students sat in on business sessions where they heard keynote speaker Mark Black, who at 23 was told he had a limited time to live. He survived the miraculous heart and double lung transplant he recieved and went on to run in 4 marathons since. Here are some bits and pieces from his speech that inspired the students.  

Yes, as a runner I think I was more enthralled than the kids!

The students were also able to participate in sessions that introduced them to the way that parliamentary procedure is used to run a business meeting or session.

Another highlight was electing state officers to represent them for the 2013-2014 year! And though they themselves did not compete in contests they were able to see their peers earn awards for public speaking, marketing and various other contests as well as recieve State FFA Degrees.

During down time we took the kids bowling and played lazer tag (not the best idea when wearing boots!)

Overall it is one of the highlight events that FFA as to offer! As the week progressed I really saw our students GROW and realize their potential within such an amazing program.

I can't wait to see what they will accomplish in years to come.

Stronger with Every Step

For those of you who are up to date with my love-hate relationship with running.

I'm back at it after a ridiculously long lay off from a knee injury.

I want to jump right in and overdo it again but I know that slow and steady is the way I'll get back to top form and be at my high mileage again. 

So far I have been adding half a mile a week. With that being said I was ecstatic when I hit 2 whole miles on Saturday! I feel that once I hit 3 miles I can begin to keep up and run with some of my favorite gals ever! 

It's so hard not to be bitter about how far I used to run versus how far I run now...2 miles seems measly now but I have to remember that......

And that I need to also......

I love how so many times we want to rush things instead of waiting on God's timing and we end up messing it up somehow. Much like my injury, if I don't keep running and doing a steady mileage increase I'll end up hurt again and back to square one or even permanently not able to run, the same thing goes for opportunities that God wants to give us. Things need to be in His time or we could end up permanently messing up an opportunity.

I feel myself getting stronger through ever step and every half mile I increase. Im doing half mile intervals because by the end of the half mile my knee is very warm and starts to get sore. I know that means that I need to slow down a bit, and if we listen to God He gives us that self same warning to slow down, take things easy and allow Him to strengthen us for the works ahead.  

So be strengthened, be strong and remember that it's worth it to be slow and steady and to do things right and to wait on God and His perfect timing.

I'm finding out that He's never, ever wrong or going to let me down and He will strengthen me for what's up ahead if I keep focused on Him and let go. Through my training I'm also learning to keep persevering because I'm stronger with every step.

My Feminist Side

My sweet husband has pointed this out to me numerous times over the years and I have finally admitted it to myself.

I'm can be sort of a feminist at times.

There. I said it.

Not that I'm anti-male or think of the male  population of our species as not needed and they need to go. I love my husband a little too much to believe in that nonsense!

Nor do I think that if all women should be treated the same. Face it ladies in the feminist movement--we aren't going to be treated the same as everyone else, nor should we.

I'll probably get some flack for that but it's true. I don't, wait can't, teach each child in my classroom the same; whether male or female they are each individual people who have different needs.

However, I must say that growing up I was always given the sense of self that I didn't have to rely on a man for anything or everything in my life. A relationship with a boy did not define me, thank goodness, and I always felt that I could do anything the boys did, many times even better.

It must have something to do with being the first granddaughter born to my paternal grandparents after 12 or so grandsons. I mean, I kinda had some odds stacked against me to becoming a girly girl. For all of the hard times my cousins gave me they also instilled confidence in me and they didn't even know it. I knew I didn't have to depend on my cousins to bail me out of something because they taught me enough to get my own self out of it.

During my younger years my best friend was also a guy, we would ride our bikes to each others houses (only about half a mile or so away from each other) and play football and soccer, good times for sure, so I never really had an interest in makeup or dolls (unless they could ride a toy horse) or any of the other stuff that girls my age were supposed to be interested in.

It bored me.

Give me a toy tractor and the mud and I was good to go! I still have a love of mud that, at times, scares me as an adult.

Which brings me to a point (and all this time you thought I was just rambling!). I can be so strong willed at times that living up to my vows to honor and obey my husband can be downright hard!

It's totally not programed in my brain or genetic makeup to be calm and submissive towards a man.

I know some women don't have a problem with this while others do. I've found that it not only pertains to my relationship with my husband but with that of my Father God also.

I struggle with it so much!! I tend to think of my husband as weak in certain areas and so I then have a superiority complex about it. Not. Good.

My prayer lately is that God humble me and help me to see my husbands strengths and not to feel superior or think of him as weak in certain situations. I ask that He show me my setbacks and weaknesses, even though I would rather not remember them, in order to show me that I too am not perfect.

I've found that this way of thinking not only hurts my relationship with my sweet husband but also with God.

If I can't submit to and respect my husband majority of the time (let's face it we'll have fall outs) what makes me think I do so with God, someone who I see by faith and not by sight?

This has been a real issue in my heart. Especially since I'm a control freak. I want to have every portion of my day planned out and my husband and God just don't work that way!

I need to start trusting them and submitting to the things they know better about and not blindly take charge of things like I want to do regarldess of the consquence.

My husband only does what's best for me and God is in control of my life.

How awesome are they?

Being Who You Are

I had a student, who recently transferred into my class from California, tell me something recently that I'm all too familiar with.

"I didn't expect you to be a woman!"

As an agriculture teacher I am one of the few, but growing number of women agricultural educators in the state.

You see, traditionally the role of an agriculture teacher was reserved for men. This made sense to a lot of people as we are referred to commonly as "shop teachers" as agriculture not only encompasses the animal, plant, soil and food sciences but also carpentry and welding.

Carpentry and welding are not something that traditional female teachers taught or were wanting to teach, especially with the demanding schedule an agriculture teacher faces with being on the road a lot. You can imagine it's hard to raise a family with only a limited amount of time during the summer where we are not traveling.

Being a woman in this position I am often told that I should find a new profession, especially when children come into my life, or that a woman "shouldn't do a man's work". Statements like these kinda make you doubt the things and the work you are doing at times.

This past weekend though, during our churches annual Joie de Vivre conference, the amazing Holly Wagner stressed the importance of being who you are, and using the gifts that God has equipped you with.

Does knowing who you are and knowing your gifts completely devoid you of fear of what others say or think, or does it delete the fear of knowing that there will be many obstacles coming your way?

Of course not. 

The Bible states that there WILL be trials in our lives and that we will suffer at times, but really those moments pale in comparison to the courage our God offers to us if we worship and accept it from Him.

My problem has always been trying to toe the line between what I think people want me to be like and what I think I should be like.

I was constantly comparing myself to all of these standards that were not placed on me by my God, but by the society in which we live; the worldly opinion of the type of wife, the type of teacher and the type of woman I should be.

My amazing friend and one of the women I consider to be a big role model in how I want to live for and please God, Daphne Gaspard, preached at our women's conference on not comparing yourself to other's standards but God's.

I hadn't realized until this weekend how much I do that! Especially as an agriculture teacher. I am constantly trying to prove myself to the men in my field that I AM good enough, that I can weld, and use the cutting torch and build picnic tables with the rest of them even though they probably don't care.

I also compare myself to those of my friends who are married, have jobs and still somehow manage to keep an amazingly clean house, have delicious dinners on the table nearly every night, knit and take amazing photographs....I always wondered why I couldn't match up to that.

But the best thing is....I don't have to compare to them.

Our God, our Father, our Savior sees us as INCOMPARABLE to anyone and everyone else around us. He made each of us uniquely and gave us gifts that would benefit us alone for the assignments He has planned for us, that only we can fulfill.  

He loves each of us individually. I suppose it's like having children. If you have multiple you shouldn't love any of them less than the others but in a different way than the others because they are each individual people with their own giftings and quirks.

That's how God feels about us quirky individuals! He sees us as His sons and daughters and we are each precious to Him in our own way. He has something special planned for each and everyone of us and we have to accept the fact that we are each made differently for a different purpose.

Quick thought. The Bible states that we are made in the image of God. How amazingly diverse our Savior must be! That alone is something to worship Him for and to wonder at :)

Good Friday

I love this time of year, when the weather agrees, I get to spend an entire week off from work to relax and pretend to catch up on house work (when really it's nearly 11:00 a.m. and I am still in my p.j.'s)!

But seriously today is Good Friday and the more I reflect upon it I had the thought,

"Why on earth is it GOOD? Our Lord and Savior was put to death this day." 

I understand WHY it's called Good Friday, I mean....without it Jesus would not have fulfilled the prophecies and died on the cross to be risen and start a new covenant of Grace with us.

However it's the "died on the cross" part that's making it a not so Good Friday for me. 

Ever since I've become a Christian my heart breaks that the sins I've committed and continue to commit (let's face it we're all still sinners) we're the reason that Jesus' had to go through one of the, if not THE, most gruesome deaths so that I would not have to pay the price and that one day I could have eternal life. 

It seems so unfair, the price He paid for me.

 He who knew no sin, became sin so that WE could become righteous with God. 2 Corinthians 5:21

Seriously? I feel so unworthy of that phrase, I mean obviously I can try to live up to it but when compared to what Christ did.....nothing I do will ever be enough. And the crazy part is, is that He's ok with it.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are                                                                              healed.                                                               Isaiah 53:5

Why would He do such a thing for us? For ME? He was beaten by soldiers with a weapon called a flagrum which I have read is similar to the British cat o' nine tails. 

This hits me hard.

1. Have you SEEN a soldiers arms? They're HUGE from working out and lifting heavy equipment and their weapon that probably weighed more than me! With a normal whip it would have been torture enough. 

2. The flagrum. Just thinking about this gives me chills and makes me want to weep with anger and pain for our Lord. When researching the Flagellumm or Flagrum I found this description.

"the flagellum was not designed merely to bruise or leave welts on the victim. The flagellum was a whip with several (at least three) thongs or strands, each perhaps as much as three feet long, and the strands were weighted with lead balls or pieces of bone. This instrument was designed to lacerate. The weighed thongs struck the skin so violently that it broke open." (McAllister, 2000).

Upon further reading about it, it's stated that at times the flagrum would tear the skin open so much that main arteries were exposed. I cannot even imagine such pain!

Then He had to carry His own cross, a death sentence, and wear a crown of thorns that bit into His skin every single second causing pain and blood to run down His face.

This is what I think about when I think of Good Friday, not the crawfish boils, the seafood or the superstitions  of the day (seriously guys...not digging or planting today?), but rather that there was a price paid for my redemption, for our redemption and it was a high price indeed. 

But we can take heart in the fact that because of His selfless act, Death was beaten and no longer has a hold over our lives, that we can be forgiven of our sins, get right with God and live to serve Him. 

So today, as your feasting take a moment to remember just why and who we are in debt to for this day. 

Things I've Learned from a Horse

This is Lilly.

She's one of my bestest four legged friends around.

Sometimes we disagree on the course of action for the day when we are together but most of the time we highly enjoy each others company.

I was there the day she was born and have watched her grow and become more beautiful than I could have hoped! Every little girls dream horse...and she's mine!

She's got large ears for listening to my troubles and big eyes to see the world in ways I never could even imagine.

I'd like to share some things that she has taught me over the 13 years of our friendship. 

1. It's OK to be the boss.

Lilly is really my alter ego in this area. She's what we in the horse world call a "Boss Mare" if there are younger (and sometimes older as well) horses in the pasture with her she dominates and threatens with ears pinned back to be the first in line for water, food and my attention. I feel like this is an important point because there are so many times when we allow ourselves to be pushed aside by another "boss mare" and our dreams and wants are pushed to the side while they plow through. NOT OK. We need not let others' thoughts and opinions of us keep us from excelling in life.

2. It's OK to roll around and get dirty.

Sometimes I have a hard time with letting loose and having fun. I feel like I need to be on a regiment and have everything in my life planned out the way I need it. Pretty girl up there? Yea...she always throws a wrench in that by ROLLING in the dirt RIGHT AFTER A BATH! But you know, most times I just laugh it off and smile at her antics, because in the grand scheme of things life should be so serious that we forget a simple joy like rolling around in the dirt (symbolic here of course, not literally!)

3. Sometimes all you have to do is listen and not speak.

Lilly is perhaps the best listener I know....she doesn't give me advice I don't want or need when I'm upset, she just looks at me with those big brown eyes like "I have no idea what you're saying but keep brushing me please." Many times we want to give people a solution to "FIX" their problems....they don't need us to fix it! They just sometimes need a willing ear to listen and not judge them about it. Sometimes by giving advice or your own opinion you are potentially giving them advice that will break a friendship or end wrongly, even putting your own friendship with them at risk because then you'll be looked at as the one who "told them so". Don't be that person, listen first and then if you are asked give your opinion or advice, don't give it unless they ask for it.

4. That sometimes taking life slow is a good thing.

Lilly doesn't like to be ridden. Even more so, she hates running while being ridden and will do anything and everything not to do so. The only thing she really runs for is her food bucket, ha!
Seriously though, in the hustle and bustle of everyday life we need to slow down and appreciate the things that are worth a second look or a time to be appreciated.

5. Sometimes people just need to get off of your back!

As I said before...Lilly doesn't like to be ridden, she doesn't like people to tell her what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Many times we go through the motions allowing others to dictate our lives for us. Not cool. The only entity in charge of our lives is God and He has the final say. This does not however mean that you can tell your boss, "No, I don't think so today!" No, this is not meant for professional work places or places where you are not in authority. This is meant for things such as your sister trying to tell you who you should or shouldn't date, or your friend telling you that you really should go on a diet and try this one, or someone coming in a telling you how to clean your house or that you should do this or that every weekend to be socially acceptable. Phooey on them! Live your life and as long as what you are doing is pleasing in the eyes of God...why do something just because someone tells you to without a good reason?


There are many more things that she's taught me over the years, but I thought I would mention a few that stood out to me.

What has an animal you've had teach you? I'm sure there were some important messages in there!